Oh Sh*t! -The Cringe Factor

I inadvertently republished all the entries I have ever made to my blog earlier - after upgrading to blogger beta - I physically cringed when I saw the reblog on KBW...its ok I guess... However, it reminds me of a situation at work where one of my workmates gave too much information to our director - (I really detest ass kissers!) I am not sure if it was inadvertent,innocent,or just plain ambitious, but it has left a sour feeling amongst us at work. I felt let down because although I was not involved, it was a situation I could quite easily have been in too. This 'loose canon snitch' in question took it upon herself to inform the boss that one of us was considering leaving work. Damn! I regret anything I have ever confided about myself to this person. The boss took the information as the gospel truth and used it as justification to promote the offending cheapskate over our hapless workmate - who is vastly more experienced and in our opinion more deserving of the promotion. Something wrong with this picture? Hell yes there is but who do you complain to? Why does this bother me anyway? Well being a pacifist(not to be confused with 'softie') by nature means that I get on equally well with everyone at work and that means I try as a rule not to be judgemental in my relationships with anyone. My reaction to the obvious betrayal was sought from everyone around me. I feel a bit used by all this and I feel reluctuant to be the moral sounding board for them . They obviously respect my opinion but either way I feel lose by taking a stand. The way I see it our boss is to blame for spilling the beans in the first place. However her management stlye is based on an unclear command structure that changes erratically depending on circumstances. It doesnt help that there is a palpable atmosphere of mistrust for 'non - nationals'(formerly 'aliens') working here and the more caucasian looking you are the more probable it is that you will be listened to seriously. If this is an indication my workmate that it is time to move on I'm sure it can't get any clearer - I once had a similar experience in a previous part time job - they hired somebody gave them my hours and feigned ignorance when I protested - I resigned before it got ugly.

Oh, the joys of youth and innocence...?

I've made one post each month to this blog since I started...rather pathetic really. I'm feeling a certain disconnect from life in general... over the last couple of months. It could be the emotional numbing effect of summertime - although I am not really feelin' the general joie le vivre around. I find winter depressing and I do get a nauseating dose of SADS for the duration - I won't go there, its not pretty. When the seasons finally change I seem to experience a strange back to life resurrection... -amazes me to no end.
On the bright side it does makes me nostalgic for simpler times - when I was young feckless and rather naive. Sigh! How I wish for those innocent times... I wonder how i would have turned out - 'if I knew then what I know now'? Hmm... one of those philosophical questions that baffle me - another one that comes to mind, is where did we all come from? - the big bang theory notwithstanding - how do you resolve the contemplation of nothingness....? I digress - Anyway some of the the things I would have loved to have known include:

What my vocation really was/is - I hold a number of post graduate degrees in different diciplines and let me not even count the diplomas, certificates et al in... - yes you guessed right - a myriad number of proficiencies - I do wear many hats which I must confess is not a bad thing I suppose.

What to look for in a mate - I can hardly consider the men in my past relationships as soul mates- well to be honest I still don't know.

Cultivate a long term saving habit as early as possible - When i think of all the money i have spent on...! Although... I'm not doing too badly recently... and considering...who am i fooling anyway?

Well, guess I had better throw this out to you out there - I'm sure I have more wishes to muse over but they don't come readily to mind at the moment. What would you have loved to know then that you know now?

Not at the Fifa world cup

I am currently watching the Germany vs Poland game...77 minutes over and no joy for either side so far. A lot of missed chances and great goalie efforts. Earlier the Tunisia vs Saudi Arabia which drew 2:2 at the end was initially a very sluggish quest. The mostly irish commentators on the tv coverage I am watching were struggling to hide their boredom and perhaps annoyance at having to watch the match. I sensed their envy of what I suppose they consider lesser teams participating in the challenge and their irritation that they are not at the cup. On Ivory Coast, Angola and Ghana the sportscasters were loathe to acknowledge any skill within the teams and were more keen on pointing out how inexperienced, disorganised and unable to finish their plays. (Germany has just won 1:0 Wohoo!) I felt rather patronised by their commentary ... then I rationalised that perhaps not knowing much about African and Arab soccer players was probably why they had to resort to their scolding comments. (That is said tongue in cheek by the way).

Otherwise summer is here - I will never get over 10 pm sunsets - the African in me just can't deal.

Taking stock and moving on

I have been mulling over how to begin this blog for over three months now - trying to find a theme for the content - my rather bad habit of procrastinating endlessly got in the way... Anyway I have decided to take the plunge - I still don't have many definate ideas yet - but I'll let things flow and we shall see.

I suppose my main concern - being a rather quiet...contemplative type of person - is how much of my life I should reveal. Having visited other blog diaries - I expect this will be one too- I have marvelled at how much some, are so detailed on the minuate of the daily lives of the authors - makes me wonder if the journal is either part of a life coaching technique or just a plain cry for help! - and yet other blogs so secretive that you are hard pressed to even guess the gender of the blogger. I hope to get the balance right - I think some mystery is appealing and then some illumination does help put your views in perspective.

Judging from that last paragraph I think I'm just your hopefully normal voyeur,looking to get my 15 minutes in the sun - or is it soapbox? - without having to experience anything too earth/life shattering - or as Oprah would suggest pinpoint my 'Aha moment'that changed my life forever...!